Relationships
Life is a series of relationships so they are one of the
most important if not the most important part of life. Unfortunately for all of
my successes in other areas of my life I have had many defeats in relationships.
I know first hand that no other success can compensate for failure in the home.
I have been blessed with three wonderful friends who have stood by me in good
times, more importantly in bad, and been my friend even when I was not a good
friend back. So Karin, and Keri, and Gerald THANK YOU for being my friend.
I have been a three time loser in the area of love. Meaning I
have been in love three times. The last
time I was in love was the best and the worst. I loved someone like I have never
loved before and was also completely devastated when the relationship ended.
However every end is a new beginning. I examined my prior relationships and
found that a majority of the blame had to fall on myself for their failures. It
is hard to show your love for someone when you do not love yourself. I totally
tore my life apart so I could rebuild it from the ground up. I remade myself into
someone that I could like and love. I am finding that if you love yourself first
then everything else falls into place. I do believe that you have to love your
self to get anything done in this world. Along the way a few books that helped
me build a new life are "Making Peace with Your Past" and "Co-Dependent No
More." Psychologists say the number one predictor of future actions is
prior actions, while my history of good actions is short, it is getting longer
by the day.
A large part of rebuilding my life had to do with
forgiveness. Forgiveness for me was amazing. I found that forgiveness is the
release of all hope for a better past, which allowed me to focus on the present.
For me the principle role of forgiveness is changing the way the past shows up
in our present experiences. Forgiveness does not mean, what you did is okay to
me. It simply means, I am no longer willing to carry around pain in response to
your actions. I was finally able to forgive myself and others who had hurt me,
some a long long time ago. Forgiveness has allowed me to better love all people.
After my trip to Utah in April of 2002, I think that I am finally ready to start a serious relationship and
fall in love. One of the most beautiful things that I saw there was a very old
couple hiking around. They could barely walk, but the wanted to see all of the
beauty of the national park we were at. The walked really slow and had to help
each other down several step and over rocks and logs. I know that when I do find the right person, I will have to shift my priorities toward a new
level sacrifice and commitment and I am finally ready and able to do this.
Having a relationship where we both help each other to reach the full status of
being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life.
After doing some dating I do not yet think I am ready for a relationship. But I
am working on getting there. So when God sends me the right person I know what
to do with them.
Thanks to everyone I have encountered: even those whom I’ve alienated and
clearly have not impressed with some of my previous actions and words. Thanks
more importantly to those who have supported me when I needed it, been a
shoulder for me to cry on, given me a chance when I did not deserve one, and
loved me unconditionally when I did not love myself.
learmanj@msu.edu